Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
The One With Krishna as Rapunzel
***Check out the revised version of this story on my portfolio here !*** Long ago, on a rainy night, a demon named Putana slipped into t...
-
Hey guys! My name is Akriti but my friends call me Kreets :) My family is from India, although I have grown up in Oklahoma City my entire l... -
***Link to my portfolio .*** Feel free to leave any feedback you may have! I always welcome new comments and suggestions :) Source ... -
***Check out the revised version of this story on my portfolio here !*** Long ago, on a rainy night, a demon named Putana slipped into t...
Akriti, I read The One at Hogwarts and I loved the idea to combine the story of the Ramayana with Harry Potter. You had such an original idea and pulled it off so well! Turning the "boy who lived" into an Indian king who had no idea of what had happened to him was a twist in the story that I did not see coming, and it kept me engaged. I have a couple suggestions. When the king originally denies Dumbledore of his desire to have the twins go back to Hogwarts, I would not have Dumbledore get angry. It isn't part of his character (and there is still that whole "Harry?! Did you put your name into the Goblet of Fire?! film vs. book controversy). Also, I would change the title a little bit, as The One at Hogwarts doesn't make since for two girls attending the school. Good job!
ReplyDeleteAkriti, I really liked your idea to replace Darshanam with Dumbledore. I do have one criticism however: when I began reading, it mentioned all of these Hogwarts characters, then the Ramayana characters. It seemed very blockish- so it was hard to see how the two were meshing. This problem was solved a little later when Dumbledore took the same position as Darshanam. So maybe it would be good to rewrite the first paragraph. Or even do without it! I got the gist in the second paragraph: "Professor, I am intrigued..." so maybe that's where it should begin, and the rest of the information can be sprinkled throughout! With this being your first story of a series, it is good for the first paragraph to set the mood just right. I look forward to the rest of the pieces! Great idea again!
ReplyDeleteHey Akriti! I loved your first story (The One at Hogwarts)! I thought it was a really creative connection to the stories we're reading in class. I liked that you paralleled your storytelling with that of Vishwamitra. I thought you did really well in having it align with the original story! Of course, I wish it was a bit longer so that I could see more of the stories of the land, but I still enjoyed what you wrote! I think your blog setup is great and easy to navigate. I think it would look great with some color! :D Like green or teal, something earth or jewel toned to bring out the pictures you have on your main blog (which were a nice touch). I would like to see more of Parvati and Padma's powers come to fruition! Magic is always fun to read about, so I think adding more magic into your short stories would really amp them up. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteAkriti, at first, when I saw the title of your Portfolio page, I thought it was going to have an Aladdin theme of some sort. I hope you don't take offense to that, because I love Aladdin. But I do love your layout for your Portfolio site and even your current blog site. They really capture people's attention (I happen to LOVE elephants, as well). Back to your first story, it's great that you incorporated a video of an Indian Harry Potter remix, I love watching and listening to those types of videos/songs. As for the story itself, I really enjoyed your mixture of the original story and Harry Potter. I always love reading rewrites of stories that involve films or novels. It's also neat that you created twins for your version and though I don't know this original story, your version confused me about the husbands of the twins. I wondered about their say in their travels with Dumbeldore, aside from their father. Can't wait to see what your other stories will portray! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Akriti!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I wanted to tell you I really like the theme and idea of your story. I'm assuming you got some inspiration from the other harry potter story book that was done last year/ a few years ago? If you haven't checked it out, I think you can find it on that database of past projects that Laura sent out awhile ago, it was really good.
As far as your storytelling and writing style goes, I can say I really enjoyed reading your first story. The dialogue and action flowed really well, the only advice I could give would be to maybe add a few more descriptors so we can visualize the setting a little better. But overall I thought you showed great mastery in fleshing out the characters and story initially.
Content wise, I thought the parallels between Harry Potter and Indian epics so far have been really smart, and fun but not too campy. I think you can turn this into a really great project! I look forward to reading more from you.
Brady
Akirti,
ReplyDeleteI was immediately so excited to read your story because of the introduction and teaser including Harry Potter. I have always loved Harry Potter a some-what unhealthy amount, so anything related to it is exciting to me. Even though I was distracted by your story teaser, I loved your cover page and had to go back to view it after I read your story. It is so clean and visually appealing. I am a big design person, so I always have so much fun viewing everyone's designs and the different things that we all do in our work. I do have one suggestion about your cover page though. I would perhaps add a link in your story title at the bottom for 'The One at Hogwarts' and continue to do so for all of the stories. Even though people can easily access them at the top, I found myself trying to also click the titles at the bottom. Maybe there are other people who would benefit from this slight change as well. In terms of your story, I loved it! The dialogue throughout the story is wonderfully done. I am getting it from both the Harry Potter side and the Ramayana. Great job!!!
Hi Akriti,
ReplyDeleteYour story immediately immerses the reader into the story by just jumping in, I really like that! You also did a great job with exposition of the characters relatively early so we know who is who and what is what. I think it is also worth noting that your exposition is very organic despite the large amount of information that you are passing! I also think choosing Hogwarts as the setting for your portfolio will provide a lot of interesting stories, as this one already is. I also found it kind of funny that your inspiration for all the story titles are from Friends. I think also using Pavarti and Padma as the ones that are going to Hogwarts draws some parallels between the two stories. The description of the merpeople was also very important as it set up the adversary for this story, but I feel that maybe the ending was a little rushed. However, it does not detract too much from the story. Looking forward to reading more of your stories!
Hi Akriti!
ReplyDeleteYour story is so well written! I read the story "The One at Hogwarts" and it moved along so crisply, with a balance of story, dialogue, and description. It dives right in and builds a solid base. There aren't a lot of aspects that are confusing or anything. I wondered if maybe more parts of the Indian mythos could've been worked into the story, like using Naga, the people who are half snake and half person, rather than merpeople, though I am a huge fan of merpeople. Also, your background is so simple, but so perfect, just an elegant swoosh of magic. It'll be exciting, going forward, to see if this story works in more aspects of Harry Potter or Indian Epics. Also, I feel like it would be fun to see a few nods to Friends beyond the titles. As a huge fan of Friends, I would be tickled pink to see that!
Hi Akriti! I really love the way you wrote your stories; reading "The One at Hogwarts," I couldn't let my eyes leave the page! It was so well put together and the characters of Padma and Parvati are really well developed. Like some of the others have commented, I wonder if you would be able to add some more variation to the types of characters you have - for example, as Rachel suggested, perhaps you could use the Naga people instead of merpeople. I also really love the visual aspects of your website - the pictures are SO wonderful, and it's really pleasing to the eye. The simple background makes it really easy to look at, too. Your second story, "The One Where Rama Runs Away," is really beautiful, too. The way you weave in elements of the Lion King into characters from the Ramayana is wonderfully done. I really think you did a great job here, and am looking forward to reading more of your work!
ReplyDeleteHi Akriti! First of all I love the titles you have used. Friends in my favorite show of all time and I think that it is very creative. Your first story "The One at Hogwarts" is fantastic! It develops very well. I love the twist you threw in there of the kids of the boy who lived are the chosen ones instead of the original Harry Potter story. I think you could possibly improve the story a little but if you were to expand the ending a little bit. It seems to end kind of abruptly and I think it would help if you added some more content at the end if you want to go back and edit at any time. Your site looks great too! Great pictures and I think the black background really goes well with the story content. Great work!
ReplyDeleteHey Akriti! I just want to say that you did an amazing job with your portfolio. I know that you added an introduction, which was a bit confusing because it made me think that your portfolio was a storybook. I think that maybe if you changed the tab name from "Introduction" to "Table of Contents" it would help that confusion. Other than that, I loved your layout! I think you did an amazing job and the choice of pictures and font really added to your portfolio in a good way. Your layout is organized and not too busy but it is definitely not boring. As for your stories, you did an amazing job writing them! I am a huge fan of Harry Potter. I have all the books and movies that I've both read and watched countless times. I loved that you were able to connect such an amazing story to another great epic. I really enjoyed reading your portfolio!
ReplyDeleteHi Akriti! I can't believe you already have two stories down that is impressive! I read the one at Hogwarts and you did a fantastic job. I am a huge Harry Potter fan so I really enjoyed your retelling based on Hogwarts. I agree with a comment above about the "Table of Contents" section instead of an introduction. I really loved your page, but at first I thought it was solely going to be about Harry Potter with name of the page, rather than a portfolio based off of Friends. Your story though was very well written and I think you captured Dumbledore's personality perfectly. You most definitely have a way with words and I can't wait to see what other themes you pick for your stories. Good luck! :)
ReplyDeleteAkriti,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I loved the design of your blog. The dark background and lighter text was a great way to make yours look unique to others! Also, Friends is one of my favorite shows, so the titles are one of my favorite things about your project. Although I am not a Harry Potter expert, I have seen the first movie and read the first book, so I can get the gist of the characters' personalities.
When I read your introduction, I was prepared to see lots of references to Harry Potter, especially professor Dumbledore. It might just be me (since I don't have as much of a background in this movie/book series as many others), but your first story didn't really mention any of these characters at all.
The story itself, with the use of the Lion King, was very well-written and interesting. The dream and the golden deer were tied together very well, and the Lion King is a great way to relate Ramayana to so many of your readers! Of course, EVERYONE knows the Lion King! To move forward in your project, I would definitely say to hone in on more of a Harry Potter theme if that's what you're going for.
Great work on your website, I feel like your final project will turn out great!
Hi! I read The One Where Rama Runs Away. To begin, I really enjoyed how the story was structured. The dialogue format made it very easy to read. If you don’t find it too taxing on your time, I would recommend using this method for as many stories as you can. I might even borrow this motif for myself! Furthermore, I really liked the original story and your story was a real treat as well. Your writing style made it very exciting and begged me to keep reading. Moreover, the prequel-type addition made me feel as if I was getting extra information on the story (if that makes sense), so I found that intriguing. The only suggestion that I would make would be to change the names of the characters. I feel like this alone offers the writer a platform to be more creative. Not that your story could use more creativity, I really enjoyed it. However, I think that this is neat exercise that you could try out to see if it helps you in the future. Lastly, I thought your introduction was very interesting. Also, I thought it was very neat how you took all of the inspiration from you stories from Friends. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am obsessed with How I Met Your Mother and the two shows are very similar. So I feel that I can totally relate.
ReplyDeleteHey Akriti,
ReplyDeleteI love the designs of your blog. It has almost a Diwali type of feeling with the lights taking over the dark background. It looks magical for sure. I read your introduction and read the story "The One Where Rama Runs Away." It was a great introduction that helped give an overview of each story. I enjoyed reading the story, at first I did not really see the connection to the movie, The Lion King. Then at the end I read your author's notes, which helped me connect to the story easily. The quotes at the beginning was defiantly helpful, I just didn't connect the characters to the lion king till the end. The story was great, I liked how you used the deer story. I think you should add more lion king details to the story. Good luck on rest of the project, it looks great so far.
Hey there Akriti!
ReplyDeleteYour project was really cool and I enjoyed both of your stories a lot! I absolutely love Harry Potter. It definitely reminds me of my childhood. The content of your stories was really great and I could not find much to critique them on. Your layout was actually really great too. It was a little hard for me to read because of how dark it was, but that could easily just be my poor eyesight! In the second story especially, I think you might benefit from maybe putting the picture at the beginning and making it much larger! That really helps your readers make a mental picture as they are reading. Also it seems like you have a couple different themes, Harry Potter and The Lion King. I think it is totally cool if you want to write your stories based off different themes, but if you do…you might want to change the title of your website to incorporate everything! I just think “A Magical Time” definitely relates to Harry Potter but not The Lion King. Great work though!!
Hey, Akriti, I really love the look of your project site! The layout, images, and colors set the mood so well for your stories and lets them shine. I also like the Friends reference in regards to your titles. The combination of Harry Potter and Indian Epics is super cool and creative. I actually kind of wish there was more Harry Potter. I think I was just expecting more known characters from the series to appear in the story and when they didn't it just felt like the reference was kind of empty. I like the format you chose for your second story. It is a refreshing change from the standard narrative style. That being said, sometimes the dialogue felt forced. Writing dialogue is hard anyway and just takes practice. I would suggest reading your dialogue out loud with another person to pick out any awkward moments in the speech. Other than that, well done!
ReplyDeleteHello Akriti!
ReplyDeleteThe titles of your stories paralleling the titles of FRIENDS episodes is a stroke of genius, and definitely made me giggle. The one at Hogwarts is a wonderful take on Narayan's Ramayana. Pravati and Padma are not characters that you read Harry Potter fanfiction about very often, and it was refreshing having them as main characters. The beginning of the one where Rama runs away feels like it was written like a screen play. Your incorporation of the Lion King plot into this story made me feel very nostalgic. This being said, the flash back was a little distracting. The different writing styles did help differentiate among the time line, however, it feels like you go from one flashback--the dream--into another flashback.
Hi Akriti, I'm from the Myth and Folklore class! I loved reading your stories! I liked that they were so different in both style and theme. It helped me stay interested because the second story was new and fresh and completely different. The white font was harder to read on the second story than on the first. I don't know if this was because part of the second story was done in scrip format or if my eyes are just being weird. I thought the changes you made were really well thought out. You gave the readers stories and characters they knew so that it was easy for them to get into the story and be able to follow it. Great job!
ReplyDeleteAkriti, I had read your story, The One at Hogwarts, a couple of weeks ago. I thought it was so interesting that you included an Indian dance edition to your story post. I watched the whole thing. The girls danced beautifully and I thought that it was so cool that they were each wearing a Hogwarts house color! I thought that the whole storybook would be about the Harry Potter world, so it was interesting to read the second story that was inspired by the Lion King! You set up the second story very nicely, and it was a good idea to cut from the present day back into the past. This way, you intrigue the reader with suspense in the beginning, then go back and give them details about why the present day is like it is. I thought it was so sad when Rama could do nothing to save his father, and also when he ran away without Sita. I hope things go well for him soon! Good job on this!
ReplyDeleteHey, Akriti
ReplyDeleteThis is my second time checking in on your stories. I read the Hogwarts story previously, and this is my first time checking in on you since. I read your story, "The one where Rama Runs Away." I had forgotten that you planned on naming your stories in a "Friends" theme. Overall, the story is fine. I like the decision to write it like a play- I did something similar where I stuck to present tense. I think your layout is a little messy- but I'm not suggesting that it isn't cool. I like things to be pretty minimalist- but that can be boring for most people. I'd also like to see some more media thrown into the story. I like when people include more than just a picture in their stories. It gives the readers a break, and can say a lot. I've seen a few people even experiment with music-
Overall, keep it up! Only 4 weeks left, right?
Akriti,
ReplyDeleteI know I have already said this at some point in my comments but I have to say your project is one of my favorite to go to just because of how pretty and cool it is. I really enjoyed both of your stories as the theme of both of them are a lot of fun. I thought it was funny how you transitioned from Hogwarts and Harry Potter then went to the lion king. I throughly enjoyed both of your writings though. I thought that the lion king was a great way to write the death of Dasharatha and why Rama went away. I also have to complement you on your author's note. I know it seems like something small to your entire story but you did a really great job in explaining why you chose and what each part of your writing means. This is a great project and loved reading it.
Hi Akriti,
ReplyDeleteBefore I go into your project and stories, I have to say that I love Leonardo too. I'm not the biggest fan of the Great Gatsby, but I love the Wolf of Wall Street. I laughed when I came to your page and read that meme. Now back to your project. I really like the layout and theme. It is very cool and different from everybody else's that I have been to. Your stories were really cool and well written. You did a great job of taking the original stories and making into something better. You chose really good characters to revolve your story around. The lion king spin you put on it was a great idea I really enjoyed reading that part. You go into great depth in your Author's note as well. It is always cool to see what people's thought process is in deciding how to write their story. It seems like you are off to a great start on your project, and I am looking forward to coming back to your page and reading more stories.
Brooks
Hey Akriti,
ReplyDeleteI have already ready your introduction and first two stories so for this week's commenting I decide to read, "The One Where Duryodhana Takes Control." I Think the story looks great! I did not find any mistakes and I liked the part of you changing to whom the Bhramastra was given too. One of my suggestions would be to add more details on how Duryodhana steals the Bhramasrtra. Maybe adding on how when he first tries to capture the Bhramastra, it does not obey him. Something about it being destined to Arjuna and Duryodhna breaks that spell and trains it to be under his control. I think that would be interesting to see. Also since most of your story is similar to the original this could add new details to the story. You did good for making the story into first person for the very first time. Overall, it was engaging and interesting to read. I hope to read more from you in future and Good luck!
Hi Akriti,
ReplyDeleteThis was my first time reading your project, and I was really impressed. First off I loved your titles and how they referenced friends. I caught that as soon as I read the two titles of your stories. Such a clever idea!
In the first story "The one at Hogwarts" I thought you did a great job of setting up the characters and making them resemble those from the Ramayana. Because you based it off of Harry Potter it was really easy to read and follow the story. One question I did have was how did the dad know about wizardry? I feel like he was strangely calm when Dumbledore just showed up on his doorstep, but I feel like a muggle wouldn't have understood anything Dumbledore was saying, so I assume he was a wizard himself or somehow connected to the wizard world? That was the only thing that wasn't quite clear for me, but it didn't make me lost in the story at all.
I think my favorite thing about the whole story was the remake of the Hogwarts theme song. It fit perfectly with your story, and I loved the dancing as well! If its at all possible you should keep trying to find videos like these to add to your stories, it really does add a little more fun to them!
Hello Akriti,
ReplyDeleteI would first like to start off by saying the the cover page of your portfolio is very cute! I like the magical theme that you have going. The setup of your portfolio is very conveinent. The really good thing that I noticed about your portfolio is that it has a table of contents. It helped me pick which story I wanted to read. If it was not so late in the semester I would set mine up with more detail like yours. Great job on the setup of the page.
I also watched the TV show friends when I was younger withy mother. You picked a great theme! This is my first time reading you your project. I like the parallel that you created between the titles of your story and the titles of the TV shows from Friends is genius.
I remembered the Lion King story from your page in the beginning of your semester. I was excited to see you wrote a part two in "The One Where Rama Fights Back". I enjoyed reading part two of it. I'm a big fan on Lion King.
Akriti,
ReplyDeleteIt has been awhile since I have seen your project, so I was excited to see how it has progressed! The last time I saw this project, I only read one story and your introduction, so I will focus on reading the new stories so you can have helpful feedback!
One of my favorite aspects of your story was the Hogwarts video.. I have never seen another video on a project, so I think adding that made yours unique. This was actually a great way to connect the theme of your project to the Indian Epics, and it also made it fun to read! I also went back to the Lion King story, and that is a great representation of the characters in the Epics; they are all about power and royal families! I wish you the best of luck as your turn in your final project-- I bet it will be great!
Akriti, I had already read your two first storybook stories, so I began with the third one today. I like that you continued to write from the Lion King as you had gotten a lot of positive feedback from your last story. Reading the third story was both funny and a little sad. It was funny when the two monkeys were captivated by the most beautiful woman and thought that she must be evil. When Rama found out that the woman was Sita, however, I was happy for the two to be together again and also sad for Rama who had to try to explain why he ran away and left his wife. The only comments that I have for this third story would be to break up the second to last paragraph because it is really long and to move the music video to the top of the page. It is great that you included the video, but putting it at the top lets the reader choose if they want to listen while they read. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Akriti,
ReplyDeleteI'm actually in the Myth-Folklore class, but saw that we could visit some of the Epics of India storybooks, so I came across yours! I was in this class last semester, so it's really cool to see the ideas people come up with. First off, wow! I love that you have included so many stories in your storybook! It really made reading all of these so much fun. However, my favorite story would have to be the last one "The One with Krishna as Rapunzel". I LOVE how you incorporated something so modern with something so old and made a whole new story out of it. Something I might suggest is maybe breaking up the spacing between paragraphs more, or having more breaks? Sometimes a HUGE chunk of text can be overwhelming for readers. Or if it's hard to do that, maybe incorporate some more images to keep the readers engaged! You could even make your own! Since, I know it must be hard to find some images that would best represent this story. Other than that, you have done a wonderful job and I'm glad I was able to visit your storybook before the semester ended. Good luck on finals!
Hi Akriti!
ReplyDeleteI cannot believe I haven't seen your project until now, but I'm so glad I was finally able to. You have done such a fantastic job!
I really like how you were able to combine many popular stories and movies with the stories of the epics, while still adding your own touch. I think it is great that you tried (and certainly succeeded at) different writing styles throughout your portfolio and I really appreciate being able to read each story in a different way and from a different perspective. You did an awesome job of adding dialogue and humor to your stories, but even your darker story had nice touches of humor. You are such a talented writer! It was quite a joy to read your stories.
I think my favorite story is "The One at Hogwarts." I have never seen any of the Harry Potter movies or read any of the books, so I appreciate you mixing that in with a story that I am familiar with.
Again, you have done such a fantastic job with your portfolio. Thank you for all the hard work you have put in to this and making it so fun to read! Great job!